I was having dinner with my family yesterday and while discussing where Bro was planning to go for his grad trip, Papa brought up this Tioman trip which my parents and I went (without bro cuz he wasn't born yet) when I was a lil kid.

He said on the day of return back to sg, the tour guide arranged for everyone to board this boat, those kind that you always see on the Singapore River. Then the ah goong tour guide actually carried me onto the vacant boat first. So the then-very-lil me wandered off by myself while my parents were still on land and according to my Papa, I was walking along the sides of the boat and not at all scared. He was so scared that I would fall into the river that he was lost for words. In the bottom of his heart, he was frantically praying for nothing to happen to me. And of cuz, since I am able to type this post, everything turned out to be fine.

Papa was saying he couldn't understand why I was so brave then. A lil girl, alone, onboard this totally peculiar boat, no tantrums, no cryings for Papa and Mummy and totally had no idea how close she was to drowning.

I felt so warm at heart after hearing what Papa has said. A father's love. Unspokable but deeply felt.
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Another thought came into my mind not long after. Why, as we grow up, we tend to become more 胆小怕事，more 敢怒不敢言, more afraid to fail, more scared of this and that?

Childeren speak whatever comes into their minds, do whatever they feel like doing, not afraid of making mistakes and failing. Why? Because they know that there are always the parents whom they can turn to, whom will clear up the messes they've created. Because they will be and can be easily forgiven on account that they are still kids.

Young adults, on the other hand, cannot be as 潇洒. We have more responsibilities to bear, more considerations to take into, more concerns, more worries. We are expected to be more independent, more sensible, more able to distinguish between right and wrong. We tend to be more careful in our speech and conduct, deploying the so-called play safe or 多一事不如少一事 attitude. We tend to think about the consequences before we speak and carry out any actions beacuse we are afraid of facing the dire consequences when things go wrong, because we are afraid of regrets. As we grow up, we have to face mistakes, obstacles and challenges and learn to clear up those messes we've created ourselves. The last thing that we want is our parents worrying for us all the time, that we've failed them. We want them to be proud of us.

Okie, I think im rambling nonsense now. All I wanna say is: I miss my days as a kid.